Sometime midway through the 2 weeks I took off from work to enjoy the holidays I asked myself a tough question: why was I so grumpy? Because grumpy I was, despite the merriment around me, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.
I started listing possible causes: I was sleeping much later, waking up much later, missing my window to exercise as a result and feeling like the day was already halfway over. My husband was home for the holidays and he’s messy where I’m super tidy. I was eating way too much sweets, carbs and trans fat. Wait, are my thighs jiggling? Hang on, is that the outline of a less-than-toned belly I glimpse in the mirror? O.M.G! We’re out shopping, which normally I should be enjoying, but instead I mentally castigate myself for skipping yet another day to exercise. So no, absolutely no new clothes for me. Not until I whip myself back into shape. And, damn this warm bag of barbecue flavored fries I’m sharing with my daughter – I can just feel my arteries losing their will to live. Pout. Frown. Look and behave unhappy. Everything’s down the drain.
All hail Queen of Grumpsville!
It actually got so bad, I had tears in my eyes one night while preparing to sleep.
Where the hey is it coming from?
And then a flash of insight: I was still expecting everything to run according to certain ‘rules’ and schedules I set for normal days. Rules and schedules which evidently didn’t work with the general festive and relaxed atmosphere around me. To top that off, I was making myself even more miserable by keeping score and mentally berating myself for every point missed. Poor me! How miserable indeed!
Thankfully, once I realized what was causing me so much stress, I relaxed. Okay. It’s good to have things in perfect order but there will always be times when flexibility is required. I should have made allowances for the holidays, I should have just relaxed for the occasion and welcomed spontaneity. My husband was home, ready to spoil me and our daughter. We were all in perfect health. I was looking forward to a year of leisure. Great shows were on TV the whole time. Even the neighbors were extra kind! So many blessings around me that I could have savored more deeply ….
But at least now I know my 2015 holidays will be much, much better 🙂 I’m a bit wiser now (thank God!). Nuh-uh, Grumpy won’t be invited to party the next time around! Next time, I’ll let my hair – and rules – down.
Are there any other ‘control freaks’ out there like me? How did the disruptions of the holidays affect you? Did grumpy teach you a lesson too?