What Grumpy Taught Me Over the Holidays

happy sad eggsThings are finally settling into a comfortable trot now that all the tinsel has been put away. So I feel like sharing another ‘revelation’ about me. Here goes.

Sometime midway through the 2 weeks I took off from work to enjoy the holidays I asked myself a tough question: why was I so grumpy? Because grumpy I was, despite the merriment around me, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.

I started listing possible causes: I was sleeping much later, waking up much later, missing my window to exercise as a result and feeling like the day was already halfway over. My husband was home for the holidays and he’s messy where I’m super tidy. I was eating way too much sweets, carbs and trans fat. Wait, are my thighs jiggling? Hang on, is that the outline of a less-than-toned belly I glimpse in the mirror? O.M.G! We’re out shopping, which normally I should be enjoying, but instead I mentally castigate myself for skipping yet another day to exercise. So no, absolutely no new clothes for me. Not until I whip myself back into shape. And, damn this warm bag of barbecue flavored fries I’m sharing with my daughter – I can just feel my arteries losing their will to live. Pout. Frown. Look and behave unhappy. Everything’s down the drain.

All hail Queen of Grumpsville!

It actually got so bad, I had tears in my eyes one night while preparing to sleep.

Where the hey is it coming from?

And then a flash of insight: I was still expecting everything to run according to certain ‘rules’ and schedules I set for normal days. Rules and schedules which evidently didn’t work with the general festive and relaxed atmosphere around me. To top that off, I was making myself even more miserable by keeping score and mentally berating myself for every point missed. Poor me! How miserable indeed!

Thankfully, once I realized what was causing me so much stress, I relaxed. Okay. It’s good to have things in perfect order but there will always be times when flexibility is required. I should have made allowances for the holidays, I should have just relaxed for the occasion and welcomed spontaneity. My husband was home, ready to spoil me and our daughter. We were all in perfect health. I was looking forward to a year of leisure. Great shows were on TV the whole time. Even the neighbors were extra kind! So many blessings around me that I could have savored more deeply ….

But at least now I know my 2015 holidays will be much, much better 🙂 I’m a bit wiser now (thank God!). Nuh-uh, Grumpy won’t be invited to party the next time around!  Next time, I’ll let my hair – and rules – down.

Are there any other ‘control freaks’ out there like me?  How did the disruptions of the holidays affect you?  Did grumpy teach you a lesson too?

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4 comments

  1. I totally get where you are coming from. Schedules and routines are everything in it’s place is what I crave. I am getting better at “going with the flow”, but I still have my moments. I realized in the last few months that a missing schedule it what I crave. Son #1 moved out and away 2 years ago and son #2 graduated this past June and is in college. He turned 18 a few months ago and still lives at home, which is fine, but the schedule is gone. No band concerts to go to, no football games with the Marching band, no school events. So I am still trying to find my way and trying to “let my hair down” also. Sounds like you have it under control now.

    Like

    • I have indeed lightened up considerably since I gave myself permission to slack off till Monday. (Yes, I have a deadline! 😀 ) I still maintain that there’s comfort in routine, just not during holidays and times of big changes.

      I hope you find your own groove pretty soon.

      Liked by 1 person

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