Let Go Of Something That Doesn’t Serve You

blue-sky-237604_960_720Last Friday I missed writing a Feel Good Friday post because I was with friends, celebrating a birthday. It was funny because there was some logistical difficulties that cost us half the day. When we finally found a place we could all take our lunch at, it was nearing 2PM. Everybody was hungry, tired and irritated, but the food gave us all back our will to live XD XD

It felt good to see my ladies again, I missed them and their fun company. Apparently, they missed me too as they kept asking when I’d go back to Zumba class.

When indeed will I go back to Zumba class?

I’m a home exerciser. But in October I enrolled for Zumba classes for socialization. It was a chance to get out of the house and to learn Indonesian. ItΒ  was certainly fun at first, dancing is always fun, and all the Indonesian words I learned were exercise related like “lagi!” (again), “terus!” (straight), “dorong!” (push), “lihat saya!” (look at me) XD

Fun of a disagreeable kind …

But you see, my new wonderful friends were also beset with what for me was a malady (of sorts). They liked to be anywhere but at home.

Almost every day there was some special eatery to go to, an errand that everyone had to go along on, somebody’s friend’s friend’s wedding, a big sale at a certain mall ….

It was fun at first, but after a while it began to feel superficial and a waste of time.

Peer pressure?

It’s what I felt at first although my ladies never made me feel as though declining was a bad thing. But always having to say no also felt uncomfortable to me, like if I said too many no’s a divide would grow and the friendships would sour.

But going on another “jalan” (lit: road, my friends use it to mean “to go out”) was just not interesting for me anymore.

I was definitely not in a happy space 😐

So I stopped going to Zumba class.

It was just the easier thing to do to get back my peace of mind.

I still love them …

Friendships are blessings, every single one of them and I am grateful to have made friends with these wonderful ladies. It’s just that my version of fun is different and continuing to pretend or vacillate was taking a toll on my authenticity. (Now that’s profound!)

I felt like a huge burden was lifted once I had my space back. I’m a much happier person listening to music at home than out on another daily “jalan”.

And last Friday, I was happy to note that although I chose to make myself happy, it did not mean that the friendships ended there too.

~oOo~

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13 Responses to Let Go Of Something That Doesn’t Serve You

  1. Visakha says:

    True. I do that every now and then when I feel like I need some time off from the “tripping”. And I tell myself its okay to do so rather than hurting people’s sentiments! πŸ™‚
    I enjoyed reading your blog. Do feel free to stop by at http://www.notionlux.wordpress.com when you can. Comments are always welcome. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Seriously… I really enjoyed your post. Nothing feels good like being authentic and enjoying your life. πŸ™‚

    I’m strongly opinionated that among those friends of yours, there some of’em who want to say no (atimes) to the “Jalan” but are just too fake to say so. They’d rather pretend and secretly be unhappy.

    Enjoy your life dear!

    (BTW, this is my first time visiting your blog. And I’m impressed by your writing style. I look forward to visiting more. I’ve hit the follow button.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, very interesting… A big congrat for really “staying true to yourself”, well done on that! Other people wouldn’t have recognized that fact and would’ve dragged the uncomfortable situation on and on… too bad for the Zumba lessons 😦 But surely nice to have gained friendship instead ❀ Thanks for sharing!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paardje says:

      Thanks πŸ™‚ It did take time for me to recognize what wasn’t working. When everything ‘seems’ fun you can’t even hear yourself saying you’re not having fun anymore.

      But I feel much happier now. And my ladies are still busy at it from what I hear XD Besides, I still do Zumba at home. No matter what, we must keep dancing ❀ πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Carol says:

    Great post! I have found that I have had to be firm about my authenticity, too, in terms of saying “no” to social invitations that filled me with anxiety.

    I am an introvert and there have been friends who cannot accept that about me. When I first returned home from the UK, certain friends would invite me out by saying, “You NEED to get out of the house.” Uh no, I don’t. First, I’m not really that much of a homebody, but I do go out on MY terms, not because someone else thinks I’m home too much. Second, if the invitation involves going to a social function attended by crowds of people I don’t know, it ain’t happening. Third, I accept my extroverted friends completely and love them for who they are…but I’d like it if they accepted that my energy levels drain more quickly and when it happens, I need recharge time.

    I’m much happier staying true to myself and anyone who can’t accept it will just have to deal.

    Thank you for participating in Feel-Good Friday! {Hugs}

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paardje says:

      So true, Carol. We all need fun on our own terms and, in my case, some recharge time too.

      Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. Couldn’t have said it any better πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Carol says:

        Until fairly recently {thanks to the InnerWebz}, being an introvert was widely misunderstood. I was always considered “shy and quiet” but people said it like it was a BAD thing. “Why don’t you talk?” “Why’re you so quiet?” they’d ask. “She’s so shy,” they’d say, with a dismissive wave of their hands. I’d often wonder if I was flawed somehow because I thought I was *supposed* to talk and be more outgoing.

        I recently read a book on introvertedness which confirmed that it WAS considered a flaw many decades ago, to a point where even colleges overlooked introverted people, despite their very high GPA’s because they “preferred” admitting gregarious people with average GPA’s. My immediate thought was, “I wonder if the world would be a different place if those introverts had been appreciated more.” The inventions, cures, discoveries that we might have had are mind-boggling {especially if we missed out on a cure for cancer…ugh}.

        Forgive me…I just wanted to share, in case you’d had the same experiences too.

        Have a great Monday, my dear. {Hugs}

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paardje says:

        Thanks, Carol ❀ I'm a bit of a conundrum in that I don't come across to people as an introvert at all. I've even been told I have infectious enthusiasm! So when I need to take that recharge time those that don't know me well can take it the wrong way.

        I really appreciate this discussion between us ❀ Have a great week!

        Like

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