I Have Gone Off The Deep End

Exhibit A: The Mother of All Exhibits

I am extremely worried about me.

I have unconsciously started to wear exhibit A as a staple around the house. Last night, as my husband was taking yet another video of our precious little daughter (with me in the background), I couldn’t help but focus on Exhibit A, how totally ridiculous it actually looked, and the dull-looking woman wearing it.

Dull skin. Dull hair. Dull teeth. Dull body. Dull clothes … Dulled personality.

OUCH!!!

Is this what your 40’s plus being a SAHM/new mom does to you?

WHO the heck is that woman and what has she done to meeeeeh?!! (Meltdown central)

That woman considers a day “outstanding” when she can take a quick shower and brush her teeth! She wears  ill-fitting, post-pregnancy clothes in lifeless colors, eau de spit-up and that abominable headband on hair pulled up into a boring ponytail. She has a new religion called “Practical” which requires her to look like a giant speck of dust wearing silly pink stuff on her head.

And to make matters worse, she has just discovered crafters’ paradise: AliExpress.

There is no hope for her!

(Insert substantially long wailing episode here).

Are you still reading?

(Now the neighbor’s cat is supplying second voice to her wailing. Hmmm, seems like this might take a while, the duet actually sounds interesting).

The alien dust cloud with pink stuff on her head is walking around with a serious expression on her face. She has decided not to give up the fight. Undoubtedly she’s overwhelmed at the task before her but she takes solace in the fact that the trendline on the excel chart of her weight (because she has taken to weighing herself every day, dutifully recording it and creating a professional chart from it) has consistently been heading south. At least that!

 

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