joy – Of Snailmail, Books & Vanities

I have this friend that is often the hapless beneficiary of my rants and confessions about the isolation of my life as an introvert expat SAHM (in a quiet, small city in a non-English speaking foreign country – sorry, I just somehow feel less maladjusted if I lay out the parameters like that 🙄).

For months now she has been passionately encouraging me to find work online. If not for anything but the mental exercise and the opportunity for communicating with more human beings.

I have been tempted many times – my resume is already polished, an online profile has been created, and feeble, half-hearted attempts at answering job postings have been initiated. But I always halt the process before it “gets too serious”.

And I don’t know what to think about the reason why. Sometimes I ask myself if the admission of which now certifies me as a majestic “bum” but the truth is – I have fallen in love with BEING IN THE NOW.

Being in the now – what does this mean?

Well to me it means asking myself at almost every juncture during the day “what do I feel like doing now?”. Sometimes this means washing the dishes, or doing dance fitness videos, at other times learning something new or even just deciding to have tea while listening to the chatter of birds. It’s never the same and there’s no rhyme or reason to it.

But more often than not, it sends me off to bed at night with a feeling of serenity.

Turns out it’s really something that I have come to appreciate about being a SAHM (with no small children to take care of). And I’ve come to see it as perhaps a luxury only afforded to SAHMs (with no small people to take care of) – the freedom to spend the day however you want. The luxury of listening to the voice inside you and letting it be your guide 🤗

And I figured, if I had a job I would no longer have this luxury. And apparently it’s something I deem more precious at the moment than mental challenge and increased social contact.

And so I say to all SAHMs like me: