The Introvert Expat SAHM Diaries

Not This Year

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When I was still climbing the career ladder I was a very goal oriented employee. I would reverse engineer the annual performance review by picking out in advance the areas I wanted to stand out in, and proceeded to take on the shiniest projects that would showcase my excellence in those areas.

I had this system so well down pat that when I became a housewife I experienced some sort of crisis. It felt like I was let loose all of a sudden and all that freedom was just confusing, I didn’t know what to do with it.

For maybe a year or two I had a notebook and pen and wrote down monthly goals such as “learn to cook 2 new recipes”, or “learn to knit beginner’s level”, or “lose X number of lbs”.

But there was no annual review to prepare for, no boss to wow, no gold stars to earn & show-off on my imaginary wall of fame that I slipped into nonchalance. I set vague goals that I forgot the following week. Or, I didn’t follow through, or I list so many that I overwhelm myself into catatonia all the while thinking that I have all the time in world to do them anyway.

Lately though I have become conscious of it and I do not like it. The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that I’m not even showing up for myself. I say I will do something but I don’t even honor my word.

So I went back to my notebook, looked at the goals I set for this year and decided to re-commit. It’s not yet too late, I can still hunker down and make a dash for the finish line.

My goals for this year were/are:

  1.  lose post-pregnancy weight – but I didn’t specify how much and how to do it (because, who cares except me, right?)
  2.  learn Indonesian – I bought an online course & some books that are now just gathering dust in some nondescript drawer
  3. start a separate blog dedicated to crafting – I did partially discuss this here, but I failed to clarify that I wanted a separate, topic specific blog because I want to do something with it later

I still wrote down a couple or 3 more but that’s just my sneaky brain trying to overwhelm me again and disperse my focus.

I am deciding to take deliberate action on these goals for the remaining 6 months so that at the end of 2018 I will have finished the things I set out to do. This matters because I don’t want to have to do them again next year, I want to create space for new goals in 2019.

And perhaps, even more importantly, I don’t want to excel at quitting, I want to excel at staying committed.

 

Photo by han song on Unsplash
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Potpourri

Everytime I Think of Quitting This Blog I Get A Like Or A New Follower

I’m going to be honest with you guys, since the start of this year I have felt disconnected from this blog and have thought many serious times about stopping and starting a new one. The new one would be more in step with what my current interests are and who I feel I have become.

3 years ago I was busy climbing the corporate ladder. I was independent, assertive, driven. Now, I am a full-time housewife on foreign soil. This blog talks about those 3 years of struggling to find my balance.

I now understand why they say that in order to be successful in blogging you have to have a niche, or a specific subject matter. If you blog about yourself/your life, the blog must evolve with you. And, well … I’m having trouble with this because it just seems so cluttered and messy, direction-less. I drool over blogs that are able to identify their topic of interest and blog about nothing but.

But every time I think of quitting I get a like. Or a follow. And my heart does a happy dance. Because no matter how hard I try to not let it matter, every like and new subscriber makes me proud and happy.

So I don’t know. I’ve read other bloggers who’ve come to this juncture in their blogging journey as well. I don’t know what they do. I don’t know what to do.

What would you do?