The Introvert Expat SAHM Diaries

Praying About It

SalsaNowhere in my entire life is the adage of blooming where you are planted more challenged (or taunting) than in my present circumstances.

First, there is the double-edged sword of time freedom-in-abundance. I am a housewife with no small children to look after. And thanks to 2 wonderful housekeepers (included in the husband’s expat package) who come to the house every morning to do majority of the housework, I lift my fingers only quite sparsely – to load the laundry and hang it to dry, wash dishes and cook dinner.

Boy, am I lucky! So much time to explore the world, no?

However, there is a downside to my current situation. I am in a foreign, non-English speaking country. In a small, relatively young city that has yet very little to no options for entertainment and/or socializing (especially for foreign SAHMs). That little possibility that something worthwhile might be out there to explore comes with the hurdle of having to learn a new, very alien sounding language.

And I tried.  But without the opportunity to immerse, I retain only the basics and my frustration. Or let me correct myself, I have found nothing out there (that does not require traveling far) that is worth getting fluent with the language over. Now don’t get me wrong, learning a new language is a boon in itself. But for me, there just has to be another incentive on top of that.

Hence I remain a couch explorer of the internet and of the antics of  my own mind.

So now husband and I have decided to move to an English-speaking metropolitan city in December. (Our own decision, not tied to his job). Every atom is my body rejoices at the prospect. Libraries, museums, farmers markets, coffee shops, parks, cheesecake, oh my! And no more people running away from me in department stores because I am a bule.

But my husband’s boss apparently values the husband so much that he is coming up with all sorts of offerings of promotions and bonuses and of moving heaven and earth. Last week there was the offer to arrange a job for the husband in Germany, then last night there was an email that a post would be opened for him in Hungary.

I don’t blame the husband for feeling like the biggest rockstar since sliced bread. (That’s a double whammy for you in the interest of emphasis).


But the honest truth is that I don’t want to be uprooted any longer! (Stamps feet heavily to emphasize).

I want to build a HOME already!

This is beyond boredom or merely keeping myself occupied.

I want to take root!

And for me this means finally settling someplace where we can be together and where the 3 of us, not just my husband, will have opportunities and we can finally build a community. (And besides, news coverage has me questioning the safety of Europe at the moment).


But December is still about 4 months away and I can only “pressure” the husband so much.

And I did decide to be a trailing spouse. Although right now it sucks.

So I’m sitting here ranting to y’all and feeling the urge to splurge on yarn. Mountains of yarn. Warehouses of yarn! Ocean liners of yarn! (There, let the company you work for pay for that husband! Oh and I want unlimited supply of extra virgin coconut oil too! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!).

So I don’t know. Maybe I will learn masonry.


40 thoughts on “Praying About It”

  1. I’ve lived your life Paardje, so I know some of what you are feeling. My husband and I did several stints of contract work in PNG and Saudi Arabia when our son was just a baby. We have moved house more than twenty times. Like you, I finally planted my feet firmly in Melbourne (we originally settled in Queensland when we emigrated here), and said, “that’s it. I’m staying right here. I like it and it’s my turn to make a decision about where we live.” It sounds as though you have some changes afoot, I hope they are good for you and that it makes you happier.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, more than 20 times! Now that there is challenging.

      Thanks for the encouragement Barbara. My problems are amplified by the absence of long-time friends and family so thanks so much for sharing a bit of your personal experience ❤ I am praying for better times ahead, whether that be in a new place or, I don't know, some kind of miracle where I am. LOL! XD Thanks so much for commenting 😀


  2. I feel your frustration and totally understand. And do you know what, those feelings can be had anywhere, in any city and sometimes when and where we least expect it. I hope all the changes that are coming work out for you and that happier times lie ahead. I wish you all the best. xo 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I do hope that the move will be a good one for you and that you can find what you are searching for. For now, the internet will be a dangerous place for you (buying such large quantities of yarn can be dangerous) but then again it can be satisfying. Retail therapy has always pulled me through 😉 I wish you all the best and hope that December comes quickly for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL! XD XD I know, right?! Retail therapy IS therapy 😉 But I hear you, Ginny. Thank you for the reminder and don’t worry, I am no longer caught off guard by these pensive moments and am able to resist the charms of online shopping XD

      Liked by 1 person

  4. totally feel you there. But as far as “pressuring” hubby goes, remember that it isn’t all about his job and where he would like to go. You’re a family. Yes, you’ve agreed to be a trailing wife, as you put it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get any say at all. You need to be honest with each other about your needs and wants and talk things through. I get there’s a lot of insecurity (especially taking into account the whole safety issues around the globe), but that’s all the more reason to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.
    And I soooooo get the wanting to settle down and develop some roots for you and yours. Good luck, hon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Karin 🙂 ❤

      Fortunately my husband does take my thoughts and feelings into account (especially when he starts to notice his dinner getting spicier and spicier XD LOL!). I'm confident I've been heard.

      A part of me is attracted to the adventure side of it tho so I 'm actually open to whatever happens but then again if it can be helped, I'd like to find 'home' now thank you 🙂


  5. I feel for you, being in a place where foreigners are apparently not welcome. They run away from you in department stores? Gee, don’t they want your business? How strange!! Not even a cordial smile and nod? Having moved several times myself, but only in the USA, that was hard enough, so can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you.
    Anyhow, I hope the move to an English-speaking metropolitan city in December works out for you and everyone in your family. Hang in there… you have much to look forward to. {HUGS}

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL! XD No, it’s not that I’m not welcome. Most are actually quite friendly here. I think they’re just not comfortable speaking English – if they know how. (I suspect a good number do but are just not confident or find it too much effort).

      I’ve come up with process by now: I disarm them with a smile and be the one to say something in Indonesian first. My appalling accent is apparently charming and they do appreciate it when a foreigner tries to speak the language. Then, if they know some English, they’ll feel safe to try it on you 🙂

      However, when I am in a ‘low’ mood, (and smiling is an effort) people running away from me does not help, I can tell you that much! XD XD

      Thank you Bea ❤ For the chuckles and the supportive words 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ohhh! OK, I get it now. They do sound like a friendly people… I was wondering. Just hang in there, and things will look up. (P.S. When I was in Europe and tried to speak a foreign language, the people would usually answer in English. LOL! And they wonder why Americans don’t speak foreign languages… Haha!)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I am sending you so much Light and love, and I can relate. ❤
    One of the blessings I'm looking at is what am I here to learn.
    I offer that in case it is helpful for you.
    I also am sending you BIG VIRTUAL HUGS and much compassion and understanding.
    Blessings my friend,
    Debbie xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is also very true, Debbie. The drama stops and I get sober when I look at it as a time to learn ‘something’. And eventually I do, I have to, because that’s what warriors like us do 😀 Every situation holds the opportunity to contribute positively to our lives. I just need to remind myself (after drama-ing) to dust off and focus on the blessing, not the burden.

      As usual, Debbie, thank you. You are much appreciated. Keep being a blessing! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. At 74 years of age, I have experienced a few changes and frustrating circumstances (and one dangerous one). What I have learned is what you already know, that if we believe in a God who loves us, we can trust Him with our life. Plus He’s really cool about helping with the details. I’ll be watching for how He helps you with yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “He’s really cool about helping with the details” – this is such a great reminder, Carol 🙂 Thanks so much for the kind words ❤


  8. Hello Miss,
    Please pardon my intrusion. I shan’t take up too much of your time. I’ve perused your site some this morning after your visit to mine, and simply wish to tell you how pleasantly surprised I am (and relieved). At first blush, I felt that I had somehow stumbled into a weird, Far East funeral ritual for deceased house pets. I apologize for the misconception, it could happen to anyone. You see, I saw your latest creation, dark and hairy lying motionless in a mint green bag, with the post entitled:There Lies Adam. I contemplated running away (Metaphorically of course) but I’m glad I didn’t. Seriously, I found your site quite lovely, well-written and intimate in the nicest sort of way. I just want to say that I appreciate you and the heart all of your words come from. We could be great friends I’m sure.

    My best to you and your family.

    Ps – I hope you won’t mind a male stopping in and commenting from time to time?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL! XD Oh my goodness, I just fell off my seat laughing! XD

      You taking the time to read and browse my blog is a huge compliment already. Thank you so much for the kind words. And please, do drop by some more 😀


  9. Hello once more Miss,
    You did say I could drop by again. I’m the guy who commented above as ‘Complicated Me.’ Without being a brain surgeon, it’s still obvious that I’ve deleted that site, and it’s your fault. I too mean that in the nicest sort of way. After reading more of your blog last evening, I came across a post…I’m sorry I don’t recall the name/date of it, but in essence you said you started your blog with the wrong motives, looking for likes and follows. That touched me and convicted me. I recognized myself in that post. I felt no attachment to my last site because I was writing for others, and not me. Well this time, I’m taking your advice. My first post today was such a relief. I just hit publish, and walked away with no expectations. I like me and who I am. I love my family and am thankful for my blessings. I like books, reading, writing, working out with weights, music, drawing and painting. I like many other things too, they are comfortable subjects for me to write about no matter who reads. I’d like to thank you for your words. You’ve taken me places in my imagination and you’ve given me a new perspective. I honestly cannot tell you how I stumbled upon your lovely corner of the world, but I am better for it. You genuinely seem comfortable in your own skin, comfortable being you, and as of today, me too! I just wanted you know that no good deed goes unseen. My very best to you and your family. I do hope we can become friends. Pardon the long comment okay? I’ll try and keep them to a minimum from now on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my God! Really?! (… err yes, I just checked). I feel guilty. But then again you do take the time to carefully assuage my conscience that it’s a change for the better … I sincerely hope so and that you have no regrets.

      It is indeed liberating to write to express not to impress. I hope that is what galvanized you to take the action you just took.

      Best of luck and, have more, genuine fun blogging moving forward 😀


  10. What an interesting, colorful and informative blog! Moving around frequently I can empathize with your circumstances. Uprooting and settling again is, well, unsettling. Even so, you have the elements to fulfill a good, happy life. Find your personal focal point, keep your sights on it (or very close by, and knit (or crochet) away), Mrs.! Kind regards, Roo.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I wonder if there is not some volunteer work you could do? I realize language is a problem. But if you want to feel connected somewhere, giving of your time and talent can help you accomplish that. I don’t know whether you have wi-fi. But there are many online courses available. Just pick a subject that interests you. Best wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I do love volunteering 🙂 However all opportunities to do so are in Jakarta only, or at least, as far as I know. And I am indeed looking into online courses right now.

      Thanks Anna. I appreciate the tips 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Glad it all worked out well for you!!! Bahagya 😀 !!! Funny – I never came across the word “bule”. OK, they never said it to me directly, but they might have whilst talking amongst themselves (and once asking me to pay 20x more the fare of a local for a ride – pah!!!).

    Liked by 1 person

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